Don’t ask me if I am pregnant

Are you pregnant?

Don’t ask me if I am pregnant! Trust me, when I am having a baby, the entire world will know! I am writing this post because I am tired of being asked so many times if I am expecting, and when I am due. My “trouble” area of my body is my stomach, which isn’t a secret to me. I have spent the last year really loving my body through belly dancing! Yay! I started taking belly dancing classes the end of last October, and it’s helped me improve my self-esteem about my stomach a lot. Belly dancing is a positive form of dance that makes you have awareness of your body, and how it moves. It makes you LOVE YOUR BODY so much more. I am truly grateful for having this dance form in my life. Before I started dancing I would never wear any crop tops exposing my stomach or a sports bra in yoga/dance, and now I do.

I am not writing this for you to tell me that I am beautiful, and that I don’t look pregnant. I am writing this with the intention for you to not ask women if they are pregnant, even if your intentions are good.

Before you ask a woman if she’s pregnant, perhaps you should refrain from asking. Maybe she isn’t pregnant. Maybe she’s like me, a person who gains weight in their stomach first. Maybe she is a person who has been constantly asked throughout her life if she is pregnant. Like me, maybe she can’t even count how many times she has been asked. Maybe she’s a person who has been asked so many times, that it is now a sensitive topic.

It actually makes me upset that I feel like I have to sit there and explain to people with puzzled faces that I am not pregnant, and I was born with a body that is predisposed to gaining weight in my abdominal area. “Oh but your legs are so fit?”

Not Pregnant, Don't ask

Many reading this or seeing pictures might think this is ridiculous. It is ridiculous, I agree. However I was asked on Saturday if I was expecting at a baptism. I was also asked one month ago at the dentist office by the dental hygienist. So this is something that is ridiculous,and YET it comes up in my life unfortunately. For the most part I try to think “let it go, don’t react.”

Asking if Pregnant, Woman

After Saturday, I decided I don’t want to stay quiet. I’m tired of it. I am tired of explaining. I want to bring awareness of it for those of you who might ask a woman if she is pregnant with “good intentions.” “Oh but you’re glowing?” Yeah, it’s called I am a happy person, and I smile a lot.

Cuba, Not Pregnant, Body Confidence
Here are some examples of what I have experienced:

– Being asked as a joke from a family member when I was 13 if I was pregnant.
– Working on the beach in the Cayman islands and serving hotel guests at a Cabana on the beach. One of the fathers of the group asked if I was pregnant. I said no. Then he asked me shocked, “Oh you’re not pregnant? But you have kids?” And then asking again, ” So you don’t have any kids?” How embarrassing being asked on spot having a large group of people stare at you.
– “How many months are you?” Ummmmmm, I am not.
– Serving at a restaurant and having someone I don’t know tap my stomach, and tell me “If you want to lose this, you have to.” and then she moved her hands.
– Serving at a restaurant, and being asked ” So when are you due? I replied, “Nope, I am not due.” And then she continued to ask when I am due.
– Being told, “So I saw you and I want to know when you’re due?” “Oh, but you’re glowing!”
– Being asked while ordering a sub sandwich if I am pregnant. Ummm, I am eating a healthy sandwich instead of fast food.
– Being asked by hotel guests in the Caymans
– Being asked my coworkers.
– Being asked on the subway if I want a seat.
– Last month the dental hygienist telling me, “Oh my gosh, your stomach. Are you pregnant?”
– At the baptism. ” I know I shouldn’t be asking you this, but are you expecting?” Oh, because I saw you from the side, and you looked like you were pregnant.”

The comments seem to be from a good place, so they think. However, when making comments to people about their physical appearance, you really don’t know their personal story and what they have experienced, or how they feel about it. After time these sorts of unwanted comments become a story, and can make a person think that they are perceived liked that, even if it’s not true. So when something is said, it can become a trigger. This story of course can be let go of with lots of self-love and loving activities. This is one reason why I love dancing!

Stop insecurities by not telling people what you notice about their appearance. It’s actually none of your business. If you have something actually nice, sure say it!

We can never get enough self-love, so start practicing!

And don’t ask! 🙂

Thanks for listening!

Elaine xx

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The opinions and views are my own.

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6 Comments

  1. September 28, 2016 / 10:41 pm

    I can so understand your feelings Elaine, I’ve been hearing the same question for the last 10 years, and my youngest child is now 17. It has really undermined my self-image. It has even affected the way I choose clothes. Living in Greece there are no filters regarding “indiscreet” questions in general, but this one in particular really gets under my skin. Particularly the “Oh, bravo, having another at your age…”. If one must speak just say something nice and resist the morbid curiosity impulse.

    • September 29, 2016 / 3:18 am

      Hi Victoria,

      Thank you for your comment. Yes, that is very frustrating to be asked for over 10 years like myself. It was also like that when I lived in the Caribbean. There were comments that were not included in this story of being asked how I put on so much weight? “Girl, how did you get so fat?” Being interrupted at a department story with the sales clerk to let me know I have gained weight. There was no filter whatsoever. Like yourself, these comments made me wear clothes that wouldn’t bring attention to my stomach. In this last year, I have felt so much better about my stomach by taking belly dancing classes. I felt confident for the most part before, but have had this insecurity. Now, I feel so much better. It’s taken awhile, but I have started to LOVE my stomach and won’t stand for others unintentionally making others feel bad about their image.

      Elaine xx

  2. Take responsibility
    September 29, 2016 / 11:55 am

    If someone can undermine your entire self worth with a simple question then maybe it’s time to look inward to why you’re so easily thrown off. It’s easy to blame others but lets be equal and also look at ourselves. 🙂

    • October 4, 2016 / 10:38 pm

      Hi There,

      Thank you for your comment. To me this is about setting boundaries of what can be asked. You never know what someone’s story is, and I believe if someone is pregnant and want you to know, they will let you know. From sharing my story I have heard others talk about their stories which has had people suggest they are pregnant when they weren’t, asking of pregnancy after someone gave birth to a stillborn daughter, asking someone who is trying to get pregnant and can’t, asking someone who has had a miscarriage, and more. This post was for awareness not to ask. Thanks again for stopping by.

  3. October 4, 2016 / 12:18 am

    Wow, very well put Elaine!

    I have been following you for quite some time, especially your travel videos and life coaching. I too am doing travel life coaching. I admire the way you have gone on to follow your dreams in spite of.

    Frankly, I have been envious of your ability to walk on the beach in a bikini and look fierce doing it. You appear very fit and gorgeous. I guess it just goes to show everyone can be beautiful despite our own flaws.

    It’s refreshing to read this and see someone take a stand against ignorant comments.

    You have a much more positive attitude about it than I do.

    Cheers to you.

    • October 4, 2016 / 10:41 pm

      Hi Nikki,

      Thanks girl! That’s fantastic you started travel life coaching. I will be sure to look at your work! 🙂

      It was something on my mind, and I wanted to express my story which actually showed me that others experience this too. I won’t tolerate it, and boundaries should be made of what people think they can ask! Looking forward to seeing your work!

      Elaine xx

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